How To Start Changing Your Negative Thinking Patterns

In my last blog post, I discussed the different types of cognitive distortions, such as all or nothing thinking and catastrophizing.  Please read more in my last post titled “What Are Cognitive Distortions?” about the different types of cognitive distortions and what they are.

Now that you have likely identified what some of your own cognitive distortions are, you may be asking yourself what you can do about them.

The first step is to identify your negative thoughts as they come up. I recommend writing them down either on paper or on a note in your phone or computer. Once you have identified some of those thoughts, you can then start writing down other ways to reframe those thoughts.  I will give an example:

• Negative thought: My friend did not return my call, so they must be mad at me (an example of mind-reading).

• Some possible ways to reframe: My friend is just busy and has not had time to return my call. My friend has not seen that I called yet and might return my call later.

I recommend trying this out over and over again.  It takes a lot of practice to "undo" these negative thinking patterns that have likely been around for years, if not your whole life.

Another strategy would be to use Socratic questioning. Here are some examples of questions you can ask yourself:

• What evidence do I have for this thought?

• What evidence do I have against this thought?

• Is this thought based on facts or feelings?

• Am I making assumptions or misinterpreting the evidence?

• Is my thought a likely scenario or is it the worst-case scenario?

In addition to these questions, you can also help yourself de-catastrophize by asking yourself these questions:

• How likely is it that this worry will come true?

• If it does come true, what will be the worst-case scenario?

• If this worry does come true, what is most likely to happen?

• If this worry comes true, what are the chances that I will be okay in 1 week, 1 month, or 1 year?

Chances are, you will realize through questioning yourself in this way that you have created a much worse scenario in your head than what is actually likely to happen.  These techniques take a lot of practice.  Your negative thoughts and cognitive distortions developed over time, so it will take time to do the work to change them.

These techniques are all based on the Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) model developed by Aaron Beck, which posits that our thoughts affect our feelings and in turn our actions and behaviors.  Sometimes, you need a therapist trained in CBT to help you. I am trained in and use CBT frequently in my practice and there are many therapists out there that also use this model.  Please reach out for help if you need it.  We can all use help sometimes.